I still feel I am absolutely more American than South African. Even though it would be more exciting to be South African, but having like 2 memories of the place kind of says I was more of a visitor than a citizen. But that is my heritage, I don't know anything about what it looks like or how it is different from America, I suppose it's more like Australia than here. I don't know. But I so badly want to see where I am from one day.
By the same thinking I get stuck on earthly logic, my eternal citizenship is in heaven, but I have spent so much time on earth I don't know how to actively associate my thoughts and life with where my real citizenship is. I know heaven will be different but I don't know if it will be all fluffy white clouds or a place like earth just jacked up. You know with vivid colors and euphoria oozing, sounds kind of like something you would experience on ecstasy, but I have heard a theory describing heaven that way. I know my actions should reflect that I belong in Heaven and in the Body of Christ, especially lately I have forgotten how to do that. I have let doubt and fear keep me from Gods will. Decisions that benefit my present life are a whole lot easier than ones that will reflect on my eternity.
God has asked me to staff a Compassion DTS (discipleship training school) this October and because of my fear I have not really followed His leading. Whenever someone I care about comes along with doubts or questions I think, "crap, they are right this is crazy and unwise, who fund raises for a year of missions in less than 6 months?" Then I would question and doubt and float around and feel frustrated with God for a while. Later something awakens that desire to staff this school again in my heart. I then begin to tell people in my life about my plans to staff a DTS then serve on the YWAM base for the other 6 months of the year, I hear their doubts and worries and I then think "this is even more dumb, I am fundraising for a year in a month!" This is my cycle, but the length of time keeps getting shorter. Being able to spend time with and speak into the lives of middle and high schoolers reminded me that God had specifically spoken discipling over the next season of my life. And I delight in what He has next for me!!!
This cycle has happened about 4 or 5 times this summer. I have gotten a lot of prayer and wisdom from a lot of pastors and spiritual leaders in my life and it began to confuse me a lot. I didn't know what God was speaking to me anymore because I had so many opinions pushing God back in my head. When I boil it down to the simplest the peace I feel is to staff this school this October. I am passionate about the purpose of the school and about the students. I think it was wise to ask for help and different views and it has made me think outside of my own box. I am so grateful for that but I know I am meant and called to this school.
My citizenship is in heaven, and I can cast my earthly worries to Christ, the best I can at least.
I feel God has specifically and purposefully called me to staff this school coming up. I prayed about going to cheaper or closer YWAM bases, but this is the one. I am meant to be a part of that community and be in the lives of the 29 accepted, womens lives in the school. I know it sounds reckless and naive to make the decision to go staff this school when I would have to leave any time now. I regret that deeply but my indecisiveness doesn't change Gods call. I still need to go.
I know I could upset people by not setting more of my own money towards my expenses as I would have if I stayed, but staying isn't where I feel peace. Someone was saying to me starting ministry is like birthing a baby. Too early and it might die or have problems, too late and it will hurt, but if it's the right time its glorious. This is the right time. I hope and pray God provides me with the wisdom and knowledge to do this the best I can but I am human. A sinner and totally broken.
I am taking the steps that I think will bring me closer to Jesus and that means they won't always make earthly sense.
As a staff on a Discipleship Training School I have a discipling role, not a teaching one. As a staff team we split up the students so we each have 4-5 students each that we meet with on a weekly basis to see how they are doing processing everything that happens on a DTS and encourage them and pray for them. There are also times during the week that I may lead out like school intercession or evangelism or something like that. That will happen when the staff team is all together and we see who fits where. Another major role I will have is leading or co-leading an outreach team in January.
On my DTS I went to Eastern Europe from January until the beginning of March and this time around I will lead a team during the same time. That means preparing ministry and talking to contacts before and planning while in Australia, then connecting with contacts and translators while abroad. Basically just facilitating what our team needs to do and hugely praying for our team and making sure we don't burn out and we continue to love God, one another, and the nations.
I will leave for Australia when I am about 50% funded, so basically tomorrow if God provides a miracle =) So far I have my $850 plane ticket paid for! AWESOME!!!!
My monthly costs is $470 and outreach will be $5000. So I am hoping to have monthly supporters totaling $235/month and $2500 towards outreach before I leave
It would be such a gift to have you pray for me as I begin this difficult, long, and amazing journey as a missionary. I would also like to ask you to pray about partnering with me to see the kingdom come by financial gifts either monthly or one time. I always say it, but nothing is too little and everything helps.
God Bless you and I will continue to update with emails and this blog about how God is moving through these young girls lives and the people that we touch.
No comments:
Post a Comment