Beginning in Australia

Good golly that was a lot of flying, just about 24 hrs total. It has been a day since arriving is Australia and I thought I had recovered, then my exhaustion hit me like a wall. It in fact doesn't take me 24 hrs to overcome jet lag, dang it! So this post will have lots of pictures and loads of details. So it might be boring if your not too interested in airport stories.

So I left home on Friday the 21st and guess when I packed for my 6 month journey, that morning. I seriously discourage ever trying to pack for such a trip the day of. I left what I consider 2 very important things, running shoes and my webcam. My stinkin webcam that I am supposed to be using to talk to everyone at home with. Arggggggg. So dumb. Not only that but I put more stress on me and my parents than was necessary because I was over the weight limit and had to take random stuff out of my suitcase. So I took things I thought I could do without, and I figured sheets were one of those because I can buy them when I get there. Today as I am sorting through my bags out I notice I took the fitted sheet out but not the loose one. Again so dumb. The one that is pretty useless without a bottom. So seriously, pack at least 24 hrs before hand. Or else you have to deal with the consequences. And this was before I even left.

Then I was hit by the realization that I was leaving for 6 months at the beginning of security, literally. When it was my last minute to see my parents for 6 months missing the big holidays and everything. It was weird.

I guess I did't let myself think about actually leaving, saying goodbye, or being here because what if I didn't go?! Then I had gotten my hopes up for nothing, and I had already done that to myself. I realized I was travelling internationally by myself for 20 hrs, to go to a country I've never been to, to people I have never met. That is a new kind of fear. I just prayed that God would give me some sort of peace or something, and texted people to pray for me. So thank you. I let myself get emotional on my flight to LAX, when I was seeing the last of the place that means so much to me. This is a picture of my last view of CO, the place that occupies my heart.

So the rest of traveling actually wasn't that bad to my surprise. The seat next to me was empty on the flight to Australia so there was space to stretch out, and I started reading an incredible book! "Kisses for Katie" has been so transformative to my heart already, seriously read it!

Alright I think this is close to the end now.

When I got to Brisbane, after a good amount of grief from my flight arriving in late, my cousin, her husband, and my 5 yr old second cousin were waiting for me. So heartwarming. Being with them has been everything I had hoped for and more! They have opened up their home, and could not have been more gracious and welcoming. If this is what it is like to be with family, shoot did I miss out growing up. It is so great we have talked about the next time we see each other before I have even left!!! I think Gods blessings on my life are so large that I am having a hard time truly appreciating it. What a great issue to be having. I want to write more about Australia and all the new things I am encountering already, but I am afraid this is already lengthy and boring. So here are some pictures!!!!

Eating American favorites before I leave!

Some of the birds I see in the backyard. Seriously

The view from behind their house....

I took a walk and this guy had built a cave, so cool!

Beautiful!

Their sign says give way, instead of yield

There is a platypus on the storm drain... I don't understand

A sign for Wallabies, lies!!! I still have not seen any!

This flower smelt like pot, or something in this vicinity did haha

To My Friends

I leave for Australia in 2 days.

I am overwhelmed by sadness. I never thought this would be the way I would feel so close to leaving. I had imagined being elated, anxious, and nervous. But never sad.

The reason for my dejected mood? I LOVE what I am leaving behind, and I don't truly know what I am going to instead. For the first time in my life I love everything in my life. I have the best friends and community, a job that I enjoy going to, and not looking for God to change my life situation. I feel comfortable here.

There is a little quote from our pastor Matt Morgan that I always remember, "when you are comfortable you should feel uncomfortable." Uncomfortable in the way that finding that good enough place doesn't promote growth in Christ. Great theory for sure, and I never thought I would ever find issue in that at least not until I got a lot older. But as I prepare to leave in 55.5 hrs I hate that idea. I get overwhelmed thinking about seeing these people for the last time for half a year. If any of my friends read this, understand I may not cry tomorrow night because I just don't cry, but know I feel so much pain over leaving you. I have grown close to people who I never thought I would, and enjoy a job that I definitely never thought I would! I mean it's clothing retail in Boulder!!! But my time with you ladies there is so lighthearted and loving I do not want to leave you. I don't do mushy stuff too well, but I love you guys.

Dang it how weird can Gods timing seem at times. As long as I can remember I always was desperate for something to change, and right now I feel none of that urgency. Maybe it's  because I have been surrounded by your(my friends) love all the time with leaving so soon. But I'm sorry to keep dragging on about this, but I don't want to be out of your life for so long. I will keep in touch with you and I ask that you are intentional about keeping in touch with me. I know it is harder to remember because you are still in normal life, but I need you!

So I know I will be happy once I am in Australia, and I see why even with missing you guys so much why this is so right. I need that community behind me to feel ok living so abandoned for God.

I WILL keep you guys updated. See you tomorrow night.

I love you all so much

~Jessica

Mission Trip Selfishness

So I begin writing at 1:19 AM, and I just might hate myself in the morning for that decision. But I really feel like I want to share this little story of how I am completely selfish about my mission trip right now. So buckle up because there might just be a bit too much honesty in this post for you, and I hope you have grace for me in that.

There is a FB page for all the people hoping to do the DTS I am planning on doing and lately there has been an influx of posts. Why? Because now is the time that God pulls through in huge crazy ways of provision, just not for me, and therein lies my bitterness.

Now let me just begin with saying I do not hold negative feelings to any of those recipients, just to God for not sharing with me. I really know that is not the case, I know God isn't forsaking me but come on you can see how I feel that way, right?

If people can go and do this program with skewed intentions, or ignoring sin, or leaving negative relationships behind why can't I go?!?!?! Again I absolutely do not think it is bad to go and do this program with any of those things in your life, God glorifies everything, and I may try and seem like I don't have those things in my life but of course I do. But here is where I get my argument: this summer has been one of big changes in my personal life, working to understand more of my negative relationships to better them, seeing big sin in my life and changing it, and taking huge leaps of faith and knowing God will catch me. None of this is because I am self motivated to better my self, nope God has been standing in front of me tapping his foot in frustration after asking me to work on these things for so long. Trust me I honestly understand my issue in this, I feel entitled and a prideful of all the "stuff" I feel like I have to go through so I get a prize right?

Any ways I am 8 days away from leaving, since it is actually Thursday now, and I am $3,000 away from paying my lecture phase fees. God I need you. I need to know what the heck I am doing right now. If I felt 100% called to this DTS, and it doesn't work out what else am I getting wrong in my life? I felt this was my next step and I don't want to be doubtful, but I feel dumb keeping a hope for so much money to come through in such a short time. Please redeem me, I want your comfort, I want to do your will. I feel lost, because right now I am planning on getting on that plane next Friday with or without $3,000. I hope that is the right thing to do, I hope I do not muck this up. God all I want to do is go and grow closer to you. To have that incredible high that you feel after a church retreat, all the time. I want my life to exude your joy. I desire nothing more than to live to love you and your people.

So God please break my heart for what breaks yours. I am letting this time become about me again, and I want to feel the urgency that you feel. I want to cry just talking about the people who do not yet know your love. I want that to happen in Australia, haha. If it's not meant to happen there I hope you surround me with your love and comfort because I just might implode.

Mission trip selfishness:  a time where you expect God to provide great miracles so you can go and explore yourself in a cool place 

PLEASE REDEEM ME